They couldn't find the heartbeat

by Nina

I was 17 years old and excited. I was pregnant and my family supported me. I found out that I was pregnant towards the end of Aug. 2005. I was already 7 weeks. Me and my fiance moved out of my mother's house and into our own apartment to get ready for baby. The baby was due June 1, 2006. I went to my doctor's appointment on Dec.28, 2005. It seemed like a regular doctor's visit. Before I went I had this feeling that I should take someone to the appointment with me, so I brought my cousin Amber along.

During the appointment everything went as normal, except the doctor couldn't find the baby's heart beat. She went to get another doctor who has had many more years experience to see if he could find it. But, also with him no luck.

My doctor told me to go to the building across the street to recieve a ultrasound to make sure everything was okay. During the ulrasound I saw my baby, he was waving at me saying "Hi, Mom". After the ultrasound the doctor that conducted it went out of the room. When she returned she said that my doctor wanted to meet with me on the fifth floor to talk about something.

That's when I began to worry. I called Amber's mom and told her what was going on. How when they were finished with the ultrasound that I didn't receive any photos. She said that I had to prepare myself for the worst. All along I was thinking to myself there's no way I will be able to do that. This is my baby!

My doctor called my cousin and I into a conference room along with another doctor. The other doctor began.... You came here today for a regular monthly check-up, is that correct? Yes, I said. During your check-up your doctor couldn't find the babys heartbeat so she asked you to come over here for an ulrasound to make sure everything was okay. Well, Nina, the doctor who conducted the ultrasound also didn't find a heartbeat. We're sorry to tell you this, but your baby has passed. I couldn't grasp what they were saying. It was the truth.

On Dec.29, 2005 only 17 1/2 weeks along I had to deliver the most precious thing on earth, a baby boy. I named him Jose Antonio. We were told to wait at least 3 months before we should try again. Ever since then we have been trying with no luck, except this month I have not recieved a period yet. We are hopeing and praying that our dream will finally come true.

A stillbirth is so hard to deal with, but dealing with it one day at a time helps. If I am pregnant I will be due around the same time my other son was supposed to be born. And to me that means this baby is a rebirth, but I still have yet to find out.